


Impatience

by linguisticallycunning



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F, Fair Haven fix, First Time, Self-Denial, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-05-05 00:45:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14605497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linguisticallycunning/pseuds/linguisticallycunning
Summary: Set at the end of The Voyager Conspiracy, Janeway is surprised by an action of Seven's. This is a guilt-ridden and self-tortured KJ but Seven won't let her get away with it forever, or will she?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I started this one be I wrote Madame May I and decided I liked it enough to keep working on it. It is another first time time, much to the chagrin of my ladywife who would have preferred a sequel to Madame more. But what can I say, I'm a sucker for a first time story.

Janeway knelt before Seven at the front of the flyer. She had just convinced Seven to come back to Voyager. She felt relieved and also an ache in her knees. Her heart was pounding harder than it should have been. She had feared for a moment that she had lost Seven but as soon as she’d materialized on the shuttle she knew what she had to do. She had to tell Seven the truth. And she’d almost told her all of it. “Stardate: today,” she thought and nearly said, “Janeway tells Seven she loves her.” It echoed in her head as she reached for her astrometrics officer. It took all of her command power to stop her mouth. Instead she said, “Two to beam up.”

Seven moved before the captain had finished giving the order. Before Janeway could react, Seven leaned forward and kissed her captain hard on the mouth. When they rematerialized, Janeway’s mouth gaped in utter shock. She stared openly at Seven. At least the borg had the decency to blush and look away. Janeway had never seen Seven blush but there was definitely a flush of pink spreading from her swan-like neck all the way to her forehead. Seven looked up and caught a glimpse of her agape captain. Her ocular implant quirked. Janeway found her command mask finally but the damage was done. Seven was smirking. And as they had transported directly to sick bay, the EMH was staring at both of them.

                “I believe you can take it from here,” Janeway half-barked at the ogling doctor and the pinkish borg before she stalked quickly out the door.

Stormed was more like it. She was practically running. And to where? Her feet seemed to carry her towards her quarters. The captain was content to follow the unconscious path. She checked in with her first officer just before reaching her own door. Space was quiet and she had no qualms logging herself off-duty. She needed a drink and a bath and for her heart to stop pounding quite so loudly in her ears.

 

 

Seven had to regenerate for nearly a week once the doctor had finished making all of the adjustments to her implants. She had hoped to have a chance to speak to the captain first but she was nowhere to be found. Seven thought of hailing her on the comm and felt her cheeks grew hot. She remembered the brief kiss perfectly. She also remembered the aghast look of the captain when they broke apart. She couldn’t bear the rejection of the captain not responding. Her hand dropped away from her badge and she stood up from the bio-bed. The doctor was in his office speaking but too softly for even Seven’s enhanced hearing to eavesdrop. She hesitated then knocked lightly on the window. The hologram startled before turning towards her. He emerged a second later looking slightly guilty.

“Off to regenerate then?” He asked but it was not a question. “Six days should be sufficient for your implants to adapt.”

“Thank you Doctor,” Seven smiled at him, “Six days is a long time-four would be sufficient.”

“Humor me, Seven. There was significant damage done to your cortical node. I don’t want to risk it.”

“Very well. I will see you in six days then,” and with that Seven walked out of sickbay.

               

Cargo Bay 2 was empty and the lights were dimmed. Seven walked back, around the stacks of containers, to the corner she called home. The green light of the alcove cast an unnatural glow. Seven walked up to her console and paused, unsure of what she actually wanted.

                “Computer locate Captain Janeway.”

                “Captain Janeway is in her quarters,” the computer replied with no inflection.

Seven again reached for her comm badge and stopped just as quickly. She had hoped the captain might visit the cargo bay, visit her. This sensation of anxiety at her absence caught Seven off guard. It was true that she had begun to realize her feelings for the petite redhead but she was also still unsure of herself as a human. The kiss had been all instinct. And Janeway had kissed her back. Of that she was sure. But that was where her confidence ended. She shook her head with a sigh and stepped up to her alcove. She set the cycle for the lengthy six days. Six days. A long time on Voyager. A long time for her captain to rationalize the kiss away.

 

 

Back in her quarters, Janeway found herself betwixt and between. Seven had succeeded in destroying her equilibrium. But she had nearly a week alone to work it out. A week without question or challenge. Just her. And her mighty rationalizations.

“Not a great way to start Katy,” she said to herself as she asked the replicator for a bottle of bourbon, no synthenol tonight. She poured herself a stiff double and left the bottle on the counter. Taking the glass, she turned towards the couch beneath the stars. She skipped the short step up and settled, catlike, with her dancers legs tucked beneath her.

The whiskey was the real deal and it burned all the way down. It had been a long time since she’d indulged in actual alcohol. Not since the night after she’d received Mark’s Dear John letter. That had been a truly lousy night if she was honest. It wasn’t just the getting dumped and that was bad enough. For all her ego hurt for the news, her heart flinched far less than it should have. She loved him. Had loved him. But as he quoted in their odd fights, ‘not enough’. She supposed if she had, she could have stayed on the ground more than a week at a time. But that wasn’t her. Kathryn Janeway was a starfarer. She was from birth. And even as a Terran child, her head was always in the sky above.

The sky. Clear cerulean blue hanging edgeless over old home Indiana. Clear cerulean blue like her eyes.

Dammit, Katie that’s not helping.

 

The captain took a long pull on her whiskey. The scorch in her throat her penance for such thoughts. But the thoughts came unbidden. Sneaky little bastards that darted around the darker corners of her mind. They only dashed when she was looking anywhere else. Distracted. And every one of them had ice blue eyes.  And every one made her nerves jump. She’d lost control of them really. The whiskey was no longer pushing them away. It was pulling them more into focus.

It was thinking of Mark.

No, it wasn’t.

                She fucking kissed you.

                And you kissed her back.

 


	2. Chapter Two

 

Janeway awoke on her couch at 0400. Her head ached as did her back. The hangover was as vivid as the bourbon. She wasn’t due on the bridge four another four hours so she retreated to the darkness of her bedroom and fell asleep on top of the sheets. When she did wake two hours later, the worst of the hangover had lifted but the thoughts of Seven remained, even persisted. At least she didn’t have to face her yet. Face those cold burning eyes and those perfect-godammit! Not helping.

 

With that she dragged herself forward, off the bed and towards the hydroshower. She stripped away the last of yesterday’s uniform that she’d slept in and stood naked and squinting before the mirror. Why Seven would even give her a second look was beyond her. It wasn’t that she thought she looked bad but she knew her age was beginning to show. There was a little more here, a little less there. But Seven, Seven was actually perfect. She was so young, so vibrant. Janeway shook her head and got under the steaming water stream.

It could never happen. It was becoming her litany. She was the captain. She had to get them home. She was also her superior officer. Starfleet or not. And she was old enough to be her mother. Barely but true. The fact that Seven was a woman was somehow less problematic than she would have expected. But the conclusion was always the same. She couldn’t be with Seven. She couldn’t be with anyone at all. For all that Kathryn Janeway was an agnostic scientist she was living the life of a cloistered nun. And she stubbornly refused to grant herself any leeway.

So she denied herself. Denied the ache Seven’s lips had caused. Denied the screaming burn of her loins and the tympanic pounding of her heart. She sought salvation in this self sacrifice, sought penance and redemption and maybe even forgiveness. But all she had found so far was frustration and guilt.

Janeway had finished washing the hangover away and stood for a long moment facing the stream of hot water. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind. Without thinking, her hand began to move across her chest. Her fingers slid over her wet skin, trailing up the slope her her breast. She ran her thumb quickly over her now stiffened nipple before allowing her hand to travel lower down, gliding over her still soapy abdomen and the slight softness that rounded just over her still tight muscles. She continued until her hand was settled between legs as she used her other hand to brace herself against the wall. Her fingers were impatient and she thrust two forward to lightly circle her clit before she plunged them inside herself. She moved quickly, abruptly with herself, her shame adding a harshness to her actions but the force of it was effective. She moved her fingers back to her clit as a surprisingly strong orgasm rippled up from deep inside her.

“Oh Seven,” she exhaled in a shuddering whisper, the kiss of Seven’s lips fresh and searing, making her come again, unbidden. Tears leaked down her face, hidden and obliterated by the still hot shower.

 “Fuck,” Janeway said louder than she meant as she finished rinsing herself off once more. Then she stopped the shower and stepped out. She reached for a towel and began to dry herself off roughly, the guilt surfacing once again. The harder she tried to banish the lusty thoughts of Seven, the harder her actions were until her skin was pink and raw from her efforts. She looked up into the foggy mirror and caught a look at her flushed face. Shame and arousal coursed through her blood and a now familiar ache settled, unfulfilled, between her legs. She shook her head and reached for her uniform.


	3. Chapter Three

 

 

                Seven’s head was filled with numbers. This was often the case when she was regenerating, especially for long stretches of time. The numbers might appear sterile to a mere human but to Seven they could be as vibrant as a full symphony. And this particular opus was dedicated to Kathryn Janeway. Seven’s closed eyes twitched as images interspersed themselves between her previously neat zeroes and ones. Captain Kathryn Janeway. Even unconscious Seven knew her. She could feel her presence like the sun on her skin. She did not need her eyes to know when she was there.

 

                The Captain was indeed present in the cargo bay. She’d been lurking in the shadows of the doorway since her shift had ended, nearly an hour before. Janeway had no idea that Seven knew she was there. In fact, if she knew, she’d probably never intrude on Seven’s privacy again. That was perhaps why Seven did not let on that she knew. Janeway’s presence was comforting, usually. Lately though, a darker, more urgent energy was present and it often was strong enough to interrupt a regeneration cycle.

 

                With a shake of her auburn hair, Janeway sighed before turning and slipping out of the bay. She walked briskly but aimlessly just trying to put some distance between Seven and the tempest of her own emotions. Kathryn Janeway was seldom at a loss for much but not when it came to Seven. Nothing was ever what it appeared with the sultry former Borg and it always made Kathryn feel like she was rooted on quicksand. Even regenerating, Seven could clearly wrong foot her without even being conscious.

                Janeway was so distracted by Seven she turned a corner blind and found herself suddenly splayed on the deck, her chief of engineering crouching over her.

                “Sorry Captain,” B’Lanna sputtered. She was reasonably sure that she had been the one that was plowed into but the other was the captain.

                Janeway sat back on the deck, momentarily dazed.

                “It’s me that should be sorry,” Janeway scoffed taking B’Lanna’s proffered hand and standing with a grunt. “I don’t know where my head was.”

                “Right,” was all B’Lanna felt safe offering in reply. It was clear to the half-Klingon where the Captain had just been. There was nothing but cargo bays in this section of the ship. B’Lanna had her theories but so far there was no proof.

                “Something to add, Lieutenant?” Janeway’s eyes flashed a steely blue and B’Lanna lost her nerve.

                “No-I mean, it’s just-things lately, with Seven-“

                They were now standing eye to eye and at the mention of Seven’s name, Janeway’s eyebrow shot to her hairline.

                “What I mean,” B’Lanna boldly fumbled, “it’s just everything’s been kind of crazy,” she finished lamely.

                “Well I can’t refute that,” Janeway evaded with a smile that never reached her eyes. “Have a good night, Lieutenant.”

                And with that, the Captain lit off leaving B’Lanna to shake her head and wonder if there really was anything to her theory.

 

 

 

 

 

                The rest of the week passed quietly. Space floated by at warp speed and there was not so much as a nebula to distract the Captain from herself. Aside from her regular duty shifts, Janeway had been hiding away in her DaVinci holoprogram. But even Leonardo had become tiresome, lecturing her on love of all things. She’d tried Sandrine’s as well but after beating most of her senior staff at pool, she called it a night. She’d even managed a conciliatory dinner with Chakotay but none of it had been effective. Seven stalked through Janeway’s subconscious, feline and feral and relentless. She prowled through the week’s staff meetings and paced Kathryn’s every step, a shadow of desire and guilt that Kathryn could not shake.

                Denial was another thing entirely. And denial was something Janeway knew how to control. She would just have to avoid Seven for awhile. Her own hormones would cool. Eventually. She had to admit it was a sorry excuse for a plan. She hadn’t even been able to avoid a Seven while she was regenerating, her feet carrying her to Cargo Bay Two every night.

                But tonight was the last night. Tomorrow Seven would awake and Kathryn had to be prepared to distance herself. That kiss had been too much. Too much. It had been everything. And it was far more than Kathryn Janeway felt she deserved. It was a kiss to launch a thousand ships and that was a problem. Kathryn had already launched her ship to save Seven, on more than one occasion. And she knew she’d do it again. That knowledge coupled with her innate guilt over stranding them all in this godforsaken quadrant left her with few options for respite. Seven was too tempting, too volatile, and too good to suffer the short end of a relationship where she could never be Janeway’s first priority. Kathryn may have been in denial but she knew she cared enough for Seven to not saddle her with the inevitable heartbreak of a relationship with a lost and broken Starfleet Captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Any comments or kudos welcome. Happy Friday!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one. I wrote myself into a bit of a corner and then had some false starts to work through. Hopefully it’s back on track. Thanks for being patient!

 

 

“Regeneration cycle incomplete.”

 

Seven opened her eyes and scanned the bay. The Captain’s scent lingered in the air but the petite redhead was no longer present. Seven stepped down from the dais and swallowed the disappointment that lingered like a lump in her throat. It had been almost three weeks since the kiss on the shuttle including the 340.2 hours the Doctor required for her regeneration cycle. In that time Seven had only seen the Captain once and that had been on the bridge. But the captain had returned every night for those three weeks to watch Seven regenerate. Seven noticed the pattern, noticed the captain, but was unsure how to proceed. So she waited, with waning patience, trying to assimilate any data that might be relevant.

Most of Seven’s daily routine returned seamlessly to what it had been. The noticeable exception being a lack of Velocity with the Captain, really lack of the Captain at all. Seven had known she was taking a calculated risk with the kiss. And Janeway had responded with avoidance and denial. But Seven had held out hope that the Captain would seek her out, at least on duty if nothing else.  
  
It had happened quickly. Just a flash of human curiosity mixed with a lonely urge to seek out company. It was the Captain she wished to find but Seven had been still been hesitant to seek out Janeway. Walking into the ancient Irish pub, Seven saw many of the crew scattered about. Some, like Harry Kim, were standing at the bar, pints in hand. B’Lanna Torres was beating a hologram at a game of darts. But as Seven’s eyes scanned the murky room, there was only one face she really sought.

  
A holographic fiddler took up his instrument and began to play a lively reel causing many patrons to shift and sway. The quickness of the beat made Seven want to move with it. She was just beginning to see the appeal when she raised her eyes on yet another spinning couple.

  
For a moment, everything went black and Seven fought to inhale air into her paralyzed lungs. She blinked, hoping she had seen wrong. But her cortical node was functioning after all and Seven felt a sickly weight settle across her abdomen. She forced herself to look again.

  
Kathryn Janeway swung in the arms of Michael Sullivan, the holographic bartender. She looked ten years younger as she dipped and clung to the Irishman. Her smile lit up the whole room and she laughed in a way Seven had never heard before.

Waves of heat slammed into Seven’s face as she felt her throat tighten. And then it happened. Just as the music slowed into a ballad, the Captain moved closer to the beaming bartender. Tilting her chin up, Seven watched with her own mouth agape as Janeway let the oaf kiss her clumsily. The bile rose, burning the back of Seven’s throat. Her nanoprobes were fast but not as fast as the rate of her breaking heart. She turned and ran from the Holodeck, ran from the captain, ran from ever wanting to be human.

 

  
Seven reached the cargo bay without seeing anyone. She immediately doubled over, holding onto the edge of her alcove as she started to dry heave. Her knees hit the ground painfully but she didn’t notice. She continued to heave and gag but there was nothing in her stomach to project. Just the sinking feeling that Janeway truly did not love her. And that was enough to keep Seven crumpled on the ground, her face red and soaked with tears.

  
It was hard to judge how long she lay there. Her cortical node reported nearly an hour but to Seven it seemed like years. When she calmed enough to breathe more normally she drew herself up into a sitting position, her back leaning against the alcove, her knees pulled up to her chest. She looked like a lost child. Her typically flawless hair was a mess, blonde tendrils escaping randomly and clinging to her still wet face.  
Seven was drowning in misery, feeling as empty and lost as when she was first severed from the Collective. She did not believe she was wrong about Janeway, about the kiss, but the evidence burned in her eidetic memory. She had been wrong. About everything. So deep was Seven in her spiral she did not here the swish of the bay doors opening.

 

B’Lanna Torres had enough of Fair Haven. She usually enjoyed Tom’s programs and this was no exception. But something bothered her about the townspeople. They reminded her of the kind of people that would have bullied her as a child. Or maybe it was just the holographic milkmaid flirting pitifully with Tom. In any case, she’d had enough and headed to the Cargo Bay to liberate a bottle of cider from Chakotay’s secret stash. She turned the corner, expecting to see Seven regenerating in the low, green light. But there was no green, the alcove was powered down. B’Lanna was curious enough to step into Seven’s living space. The blonde did not appear to be at her console either. But then she looked down.

 

It was common knowledge that B’Lanna was no fan of the former Borg. Truth be told, Seven drove her insane, from the icy arrogance to rudely being correct too often. Lately, something had shifted and B’Lanna found herself softening a bit. The sight of the usually pristine Seven of Nine, crumpled and weeping, disturbed B’Lanna and spurred her forward. Seven might still be partly Borg but this was a human being in pain before her. B’Lanna dropped to a crouch surprising both women.

  
“Seven, are you ok?” B’Lanna asked, a genuine concern hiding in her dark eyes.

  
“I am functioning—I am not functioning in normal parameters,” Seven raised her red-rimmed eyes to the half-Klingon, “I am…damaged.”

  
Seven’s voice shook with hurt and anger and B’Lanna knew the combination well. She too was prone to lashing out at others when she was hurting the most. Judging from the state of Seven, B’Lanna was actually impressed that nothing in the cargo bay had been destroyed. But it was clear the Seven’s pain had overtaken her. B’Lanna suspected the source but she approached as if she didn’t.

  
“Can I help you with it, Seven? Sometimes it can help to talk,” B’Lanna slid from her crouch to sitting cross legged facing the alcove.

  
Seven eyed B’Lanna with a mix of confusion and surprise. The half-Klingon was not often friendly but there was a genuine concern hidden behind her dark eyes. Feeling desperate more than brave, Seven tried to find the right words.

  
“It’s the Captain isn’t it?” B’lanka’s curiosity outstripped her patience. Seven’s crystalline eyes went wide at the suggestion giving all the confirmation needed.

  
Seven nodded, still struggling to find the right words.

  
B’Lanna was trying not to laugh. Seven looked positively terrified. A scaredy-Borg. But then B’Lanna realized another piece of the puzzle.

  
“Michael Sullivan. Oh Seven, I’m sorry. But he is just a hologram,” B’Lanna wasn’t sure that was much comfort. She’d seen Janeway carrying on like a schoolgirl. While it was nice to see the captain relaxing a little, her attachment to a hologram was a bit much to bear.

  
“It is less the hologram,” Seven sneered, refusing to use his name, “but more that I was incorrect.”

  
“Incorrect?”

  
“We kissed,” Seven stated flatly, lowering her eyes.

 

It was B’Lanna’s turn to be surprised. She knew that the Captain had a thing for Seven. But she hadn’t known it had come to anything. Or if Seven was even capable of that kind of emotion. But clearly she had been wrong on both counts. This was far messier than she realized. She almost regretted stopping by the bay but something in Seven’s eyes made her glad she’d been curious. But meddling in the Captain’s personal life, that was something else all together.

 

“When did that happen?” B’Lanna finally managed to ask.

  
“Seven hundred and forty-eight, twenty-two minutes ago.”

  
“A month ago?” B’Lanna thought back and remembered having an odd run in with Janeway not long after that. “Well I am not sure you were incorrect Seven, but I’m guessing it’s more complicated than that.”

  
“Explain,” Seven started to demand. “Please.”

  
B’Lanna blinked at the rare politeness and tried to think of a way to explain shame to the most impervious person she’d ever met.

  
“Well, lets start with did she kiss you back?”

  
Seven nodded.

  
“And she’s been avoiding you ever since?”

  
Seven nodded again.

  
“And now she’s running around with a hologram And you think she’d rather be with him than you? And you can’t ask her about any of it?”

  
Seven looked up at B’Lanna, her mouth hanging slightly agape. This must be how a little sister would look at me, B’Lanna thought, relieved that she was an only child. It was kind of sweet though, like B’Lanna held some sort of wisdom.

  
“Look, Seven, I think you’re in a lousy spot. I’m not sure really what to tell you though. I’m sorry you can’t talk to her about it. And I’m sorry about Fair Haven. Truth be be told, it’s not one of my favorites either.”

  
“Why would someone choose a hologram?” Seven wasn’t letting go of this one.

  
“You’d have to ask her, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say the Captain may feel she can’t be with anyone real.”

  
Seven’s brow furrowed at the thought. It was illogical to her.

  
“Starfleet regulations prohibit the Captain from having relations with members of the crew. And there may be other reasons too. But, since you asked me, I think the Captain is avoiding you on purpose. I think she does have feelings for you. But you might have to be patient, she is the most stubborn person I have ever met. She won’t relent easily,” B’Lanna felt a twinge of guilt but the gleam of hope in Seven’s eyes more than made up for it. She hoped she was right too, for all their sakes.

  
“Thank you, B’Lanna Torres,” Seven said, finally regaining some of her Borg composure. She stood quickly and swayed for a second. B’Lanna had scrambled to her feet as well and reached forward to steady Seven. Looking up at the blonde, B’Lanna considered that she hadn’t really seen her before and pulled her into a proper Klingon hug. Seven bristled at first but then relaxed into the embrace that ended with a hearty thump to her back as B’Lanna pulled away.

  
“Look, I’m not sure how much I can help, but you can always talk to me, Seven,” B’Lanna wasn’t sure where this sudden kindness was coming from but she couldn’t seem to stop it. Something had shifted between the two of them.  
Seven’s mouth curled into a hint of a smile and she raised her ocular implant ever so slightly.

  
“I thank you again, B’Lanna Torres.”

  
“Just B’Lanna, Seven,” she said returning a smile. Then she turned and walked out of the bay empty handed, forgetting the cider entirely.

 


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this one. It’s been a bit of a battle but I think we’re finally on track. 
> 
> I hope it’s cool wherever you’re reading!

 

 

The guilt threatened to topple Janeway. Her feelings for Seven had been bad enough but then that kiss! And then trying to outrun it all with a holographic bandaid! It was too much for the good captain and since the demise of Fair Haven she had retreated again.

It was not that Janeway was confused so much as she was conflicted. She knew what she felt. But she was still suffering the mistaken idea she could control it. And what was more, her will was flagging. Mortified as she was, she missed Seven. As Kathryn she pined for her but as the captain she had to maintain control. She couldn’t let herself budge lest all of Kathryn spill through the cracks in her command mask.

She’d been out of control like that once before and it terrified her. The thought of feeling all that again paralyzed her. Losing Justin and her father had nearly ended her career in Starfleet, ended her. That she survived where they hadn’t was at the foundation of the guilt that still fueled her. In the midst of that surviving, she’d begun to feel guilt at everything but especially when she felt joy. So she began to insulate herself. She fell behind her new forged mask and began to laugh less and sigh more.

  
That had worked, too well in fact. She became so adept with her mask, she removed it less and less. Her sister and her mother could always see beyond it but Mark never could. He fell in love with someone who had lost the will to love. But neither of them had known that at the time. It wasn’t until they were lost to the Delta Quadrant that Janeway had finally realized what she’d become. All Captain. No Kathryn. And if she was to get them home, that’s how it had to stay.

Emotions clouded her senses. Maybe if she hadn’t been so panicked when they crashed through that ice, maybe if she hadn’t needed to save them so badly, maybe with a clearer head she could have saved them. Love did not make Kathryn Janeway clearheaded. It made her addled and uncertain and indecisive. Not one quality befitting a StarFleet captain. As much as it was eating away at her, she could not relent, she could not crumble. If she did, they could all be lost, and it would be her fault for faltering. For all that she had harped at Seven about accepting her human side, Kathryn Janeway was terrified to face her own.

 

 

Tuvok had noticed a shift in his Captain. It concerned the Vulcan as Kathryn Janeway was generally unflappable. Whatever was eating away at her was beginning to show. Her lack of sleep hung around her eyes and there was a hollowness to her cheeks. Tuvok had some idea after the Fair Haven nonsense and now felt reasonably confirmed. Seven’s noticeable absence had only strengthened his hypothesis. Understandably, he was reluctant to question the Captain about her personal life. Human relationships were not his forte. But he could see the strain on Janeway’s face, it was illogical to ignore it.

He found her in her Ready Room going over a stack of Padds on her desk. Her eyes met his as the door swished close behind him. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a week.

“What can I do for you, Commander,” she smiled weakly.  
  
“It seems I have a concern about personnel.”

Janeway’s eyes narrowed giving her security chief a blazing once over.

“Have you discussed it with Commander Chakotay yet?” She replied flatly.

“It would not be in his purview so I have not,” Tuvok volleyed, his eyes unblinking and unwavering.

Anger flashed over Janeway’s eyes but she fell back behind her command mask. Tuvok noticed every twitch.  
  
“Get to the point, Tuvok,” she knew she was snapping at him unfairly. She also feared where he was heading.

“I have known you a long time, Captain,” Tuvok paused watching Janeway’s eyes register his words.

“And I am concerned about you, Captain. You have been erratic and distant. Distracted perhaps.”

Her human blood boiled at this insinuation. At the thought of dereliction of her duty. But it boiled under flames of truth. She knew she’d been absent. She just couldn’t imagine why the crew would care. It’s not like she was ordering them between binary pulsars or chasing Borg cubes. She was just moping in her quarters. Wasn’t she entitled to even do that!

“I have been distracted,” her voice rumbled low and dangerous but Tuvok was not cowed by it. “And so I have withdrawn. To deal with it, privately, on my own terms. You of all people should understand that,” her eyes softened for a millisecond but her tone stayed hard.

For a moment Janeway thought about dropping all protocol and pretense. Just dumping all her woes right out there. But then she took another breath and remembered herself. She pulled back and Tuvok watched as his prospect of honestly confronting this issue evaporated before him.

“I know things have been off with me lately,” she almost sounded convincing. Almost. “But I have it under control, old friend. It’s true I’ve been struggling but it’s getting better.”

“I have not seen any evidence of that, Captain. If anything, you seem to be withdrawing more. And you are not alone. Seven of Nine has not been seen outside Astrometrics for several weeks.”

Janeway’s eyes flared, the anger arcing, electric.

“It’s my prerogative as Captain! I don’t-“ but she paused just as her rave had taken wing. She bore down on Tuvok, her own klaxons blaring. “Why did you mention Seven?”

Her voice dropped to a deadly register with Seven’s name. Tuvok maintained his seamless Vulcan exterior, satisfied he had struck a nerve.

“I have also been concerned about her. It is not like her to skip regeneration cycles. But the doctor informed me she has not regenerated in over a week. He was concerned himself. He said he would come to you himself if the issue is not resolved.”

Janeway fought down the edge of her temper. She wanted to rail at Tuvok and the Doctor. But it did occur to her she’d been so preoccupied with herself since Fair Haven that she hadn’t paid the proper attention to anything. It wasn’t that she was avoiding Seven, but that Seven was avoiding her? The thought stabbed, dagger-like in her abdomen. Guilt flooded over the flames of her anger and she felt momentarily ill. Wasn’t this what she had wanted? The answer turned out to be a resounding no.

“I’m sorry for shouting, Tuvok. I admit that Fair Haven did quite a number on me,” She smiled but it never reached her eyes. “I will check in on Seven, I have been remiss with her, I fear.”

Tuvok raised an eyebrow and looked long and hard at her. “May I offer a piece of advice?”

“Of course,” Janeway replied, straightening the cuff of her tunic to cover her sudden fidgety fingers.  
  
“Be patient with her.”

Janeway’s face knitted into an unreadable expression. She opened her mouth to question his statement but found her tongue paralyzed. Instead she stared, her face still contorted in confusion. A moment later and she recovered her composure, suddenly appearing every inch the Captain.

Tuvok was not convinced it was enough. But he knew her command mask well and he knew there was no scaling it further. He would have to wait her out. His Vulcan patience always trumped her human will. So he chose a strategic retreat.  
  
“Thank you, Tuvok. Dismissed,” she said quietly not hiding the haunting hint of sadness in her eyes.

Tuvok turned and left her to her turmoil. He would never understand the human penchant to bang ones proverbial head against a wall.

  
Tuvok’s challenge had left Janeway seething with anxiety and guilt. She was simultaneously furious and nervous. She was on her feet the moment the door swished shut behind Tuvok. She stormed to the replicator, the tension making her hands shake.

“Whiskey, Irish, neat,” she growled at the temperamental machine.

Drink in hand, Janeway retreated to the low couch beneath the window. She paused to look at the stars as waves of sadness crested over her. She took a long drink and sighed before sitting heavily on the couch. The whiskey burned, searing the back of her throat and making her shiver. She thought about Seven. She could feel her heart rate increase as she took another sip. She knew she’d behaved atrociously, especially where Seven was concerned. The foolishness in Fair Haven had finally chased the blonde away. And as much as Janeway had wanted to believe it was for the best, it was taking a terrible toll.

  
She finished the whiskey and replicated another. It was 0200. She should go to her quarters and go to bed. Instead she bolted the drink. She stalked out of her ready room and off the bridge without a word. Janeway was halfway to the Cargo Bay when she realized where her feet were headed. She stopped dead in the middle of the hallway and felt grateful it was so late at night. She leaned against a bulkhead, her head swimming with guilt and whiskey. She tried to shake herself back to reason. But it was useless. Futile.

  
She, Kathryn Janeway, Starfleet Captain, was in love with Seven of Nine, former Borg drone. All attempts to deny and deflect had failed. And now she realized with every breath that she had pushed Seven too far to reach. Dejected, the Captain turned away and headed back to the turbolift. She couldn’t be with Seven. She couldn’t even manage to face her.

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got the afterburners lit thanks to so many great comments. Thanks for the feedback. It really helps keep the procrastination fairy at bay!

 

The mess hall was quiet at 02:30. B’Lanna Torres sat alone, half-finished stack of banana pancakes forgotten in front of her. Her back was uncharacteristically towards the doors. She been fighting with Tom again and was currently resenting the fact they’d shared quarters. Maybe she should just pull a Janeway and replicate some coffee. She could get caught up on her engineering reports. Even the thought made her yawn. She considered just putting her head down on the table and falling asleep. But she didn’t want a wake up call from Neelix or worse Tom. Maybe she should have coffee.

As she debated, the doors across the hall swished and B’Lanna startled at sound. She turned just in time to see Janeway slump in and head for the nearest replicator. She hadn’t noticed B’Lanna tucked away in the corner.

“Coffee, black.” The command echoed through the empty hall and B’Lanna noticed a thickness to the words. B’Lanna decided to make herself known by accidentally crashing her arm into her plate. The captain jumped at the sound and spun around in time to see the pancakes take flight before landing stickily in her chief engineer’s lap. B’Lanna was glad that she was not the blushing type but she managed to look pretty abashed just the same.

“Good evening, Lieutenant,” Janeway smiled, her composure suddenly restored. She could still feel the course of the whiskey but B’Lanna’s clumsiness had cleared her head quite a bit. She took a long sip of her still steaming coffee just to be sure.

“Captain,” B’Lanna sputtered, tossing the sticky remnants back on her plate. “I—“

“It’s alright, B’Lanna,” Janeway hid a smile before asking, “mind if I join you?”

Flustered and sticky, B’Lanna just nodded before jumping up. “Just let me get rid of this mess first.”

Moments later and syrup free, B’Lanna returned carrying her own mug of coffee. Clearly tonight was not meant for sleeping.

“So what brings you to the mess at such a lovely hour?” Janeway eyes looked even more tired on closer inspection. It seemed as though the rumors of late held more truth that usual.

“Would you believe me if I said I just had a craving?”

“You have a replicator in your quarters,” Janeway’s eyes narrowed.

“OK, OK, I had a fight with Tom! But it’s just stupid. Really,” B’Lanna did not want to have this conversation with anyone, least of all her captain. Tom was just a dick sometimes and the Holodeck seemed to encourage this, maybe all around.

“Sometimes I really hate his holoprograms,” B’Lanna admitted with a shrug, “and the way he acts when they’re running.”

“Well that makes two of us, well not the part about Tom,” she smirked, being far more candid than B’Lanna had expected.

“I mean, I know they’re not real, but they’re real enough!” B’Lanna let her frustration show, knowing full well she was striking a chord.

“Again, no argument from me there. I’d say they’re real enough to cause real trouble,” Janeway peeked around the corners of her mask. She wasn’t looking to come clean and confess but she didn’t want to lose this rare chance to commiserate either.

“Well if Tom didn’t feel the need to flirt with anything in a skirt, there’d be a whole lot less trouble from me,” B’Lanna was about to ask about Michael Sullivan but remembering her conversation the week before, she shifted gears instead.

“You know I was so bent about it last week, I even talked to Seven of all people. Well, it wasn’t much of a talk—“

“You talked to Seven?” Janeway’s eyes lit up at the mention of Seven. “I—I haven’t seen her for awhile,” she finished lamely, her attempt to cover her emotions failing completely.

“I ran into her in the Cargo Bay. I was so mad at Tom, I was raiding his secret stash of booze but I ran into Seven instead.”

Janeway took a long sip of her cooling coffee trying to keep her eagerness at bay. She was hungry for any news of Seven. She clenched the fingers of her left hand, digging her nails in her palm. She had to control herself better than this. But it was late and she was rattled. Thankfully B’Lanna was not in a super observant mood.

“I didn’t think you and Seven were so friendly,” the Captain was deflecting now.

“Well it’s not like we’re best buds but lately it’s been easier to talk to her. This humanity thing is pretty rough. I can certainly understand some of that too,” B’Lanna dared by offering herself.

“Seven—,” Janeway started but she never got to finish the thought.  
  
Voyager rocked hard to starboard and both Janeway and B’Lanna lost their seats. There was another crash as the captain and lieutenant scrambled to their feet. The emergency lighting twitched as the klaxons began to blare.  
Janeway reached for her comm badge, her eyes meeting B’Lanna’s. There was a dash of relief despite the red alert. From both sets of eyes.

“Report!” She bellowed, her feet moving her without thought, towards the turbolift. B’Lanna was on her heels.

“Two vessels approached and fired with no warning. Shields are holding for now but a third vessel is now approaching,” Harry Kim was on the bridge and desperately trying to keep the panic from his voice.

They reached the turbolift while Harry was still talking.

“On my way,” Janeway snapped as the doors slid shut.

The ship lurched again and this time everything went black.

 

 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a short update for a Friday night. Cheers!

Chapter Seven

  
“Regeneration cycle incomplete.”

It was futile. This was the fifth attempt Seven had made at regeneration in the last week. And the fifth failure to complete even a four hour cycle. Frustration shot through her followed by a swift anger at her new found human weakness. She stepped off the dais with her fists clenched. After another moment her anger subsided and she leaned heavily against the side of the alcove. She felt drained and confused. Her inability to regenerate accounted for the fatigue, the reason behind it, the source of the confusion.  
  
After her conversation with B’Lanna, Seven was more disturbed at how little control she seemed to have over her emotions. As Borg, these impulses, these waves of invisible ache, were deadened, irrelevant. They could be ignored, all but turned off, but Seven was no longer Borg. Her emotions continued to assert themselves as she struggled to move past her want of the Captain.

Instead, Seven began to search beyond herself and her malfunctioning systems. She wanted to understand Kathryn Janeway. She wanted to understand what it was about this single human that threatened so much of Seven’s stoic composure. Most importantly, Seven wanted to understand her own impulses towards the redhead in the hope that she could control them better in the future.

The crew’s logs did not offer much illumination. Seven knew she was technically forbidden from these materials but she was still Borg enough to ignore such a stipulation. There were patterns there but they were irrelevant. Until she reached the private log of the Captain. A bolt of guilt shot through Seven but she ignored it, surging forward, fearing what she might find.

But much to Seven’s chagrin, there was little even in her personal logs. Seven was dissatisfied with this result and decided to increase her search parameters. In doing so, she stumbled upon a handful of hidden and encrypted files, the last bearing a star date of two hours ago.

The guilt surged again as Seven input her Borg coding, unlocking just the most recent entry. Her heart rate increased as she clicked open the file. She knew she was a committing a breach of trust but it had become clear that Janeway had also stopped being honest with her. Seven was desperate though and these words provided her with her only glimpse at the real Janeway.

 

Captain’s log, supplemental

I do not even wish to commit this to a log. I am sure I will destroy this come morning. It’s the whiskey talking. But I can’t deny this anymore. And I can’t succumb, as much as want—her. I can’t explain or defend or reason or deny. But I can’t look at her either. My self control is not ironclad—

 

  
It cut off there. Seven’s hand shook as she quickly undid her hacking, replacing all of the encryption without leaving a trace. The few lines had shaken her, confirmed her suspicions but with no recourse. B’Lanna had been correct. But Seven was tired of being patient. She wanted answers. So she shut down her console and took a deep breath before heading towards the doors of the bay. But just as she approached them, the ship lurched hard, throwing Seven off her feet. She slammed into a cargo container but kept to her feet as the red alert sounded all around her. She just barely made it through the doors when the ship lurched again. She struck her comm badge but it just gave a pitiful chirp.

  
Seven raced for the turbolift but just as she reached the doors there was another lurch and the sound of crashing, crunching metal before the emergency lighting went out completely.

 

 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming down the homestretch here. Thanks for sticking with on this one. If it wasn't for you guys, I probably would have bagged this story when it started giving me trouble. Thanks for giving me the motivation to keep working on it.

Chapter Eight

It was pitch dark in the lift. And it seemed very cramped. This was partly due to the ceiling collapsing with the last jolt. Janeway was trapped to the back of the lift, a mass of debris blocking her from B’Lanna. This wasn’t good. Her leg was pinned beneath a beam but aside from that (searing) pain she appeared to be in one piece.  
  
“B’Lanna?”

No answer.  
  
“Lieutenant? Can you hear me?”  
  
Nothing.

Not good. She was trapped in the dark, unable to free herself or help her ship as it continued to bump and sway. This was up there on her worst nightmare list. Not only was she fighting off some low grade claustrophobia but she had no idea what was going on outside the lift. There was a big difference between trusting her crew and being completely unable to lead them. She might be stuck but she didn’t have to succumb to that. There had to be a way to free her leg. If only she could see!

But she couldn’t see and things had grown ominously quiet. B’Lanna was still silent as well and that was weighing on Janeway. She wasn’t scared so much as frustrated. And she was very frustrated. She was frustrated with her whole life if she thought about it at all. Frustrated by her failures hurting others. Frustrated she couldn’t manage to be Kathryn and the Captain simultaneously. Frustrated she hadn’t tried to fix things with Seven.

The frustration manifested in a curious fashion and in her silent fury, Janeway had managed to shift the beam pinning her leg. Her ankle was certainly broken but she was free. Unfortunately she was still trapped between the remnants of the ceiling and the wall.

Her mind wandered back to Seven. Even in this crisis, Janeway’s body felt the familiar shiver. She tried to turn her thoughts to her movements. She tried to stand but there was too much debris. Reaching around she managed to move some of the pieces of ceiling out of the way. She was operating blind, groping clumsily in the darkness. Suddenly, her fingers passed over something softer than broken turbolift remains. It was B’Lanna. Janeway could barely reach her hand through the rubble but she felt a strongish pulse and relief flooded over her.  
  
Satisfied B’Lanna was alive at least, Janeway slid back to a sitting position to wait it out. There wasn’t much she could do in the pitch dark. Her ankle throbbed and she was hoping they weren’t being boarded or worse.

Time elapsed slowly in the silent dark and Janeway’s thoughts spiraled downward. When she struck on Seven’s image, her stomach lurched. She had to see Seven again, she had to get out of this lift!

But what would she say to Seven? Even if she told her the truth, it wouldn’t matter. She was still the Captain.

“Captain?” B’Lanna’s voice was filled with groggy panic. “What happened?” B’Lanna groaned. “I think I’m stuck.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Not too major, you?”

“Ankle. I’ll live but climbing out of here might be tricky.”

“It may be pitch dark in here but I know if the ceiling came down like this then the frame above is bent. We might not be able to climb out anyway.”

Not one to be dismayed, Janeway began to push and shove but she got no further than she had earlier. Her ankle was beginning to throb under her weight so she reluctantly slid partway back down and sat back against the wall.

“Any bright ideas Lieutenant?

B’Lanna?”

There was no answer for a moment.

“B’Lanna!” She practically yelled.

“I heard you the first time,” B’Lanna half-groaned. “Hate to say it, Captain, but I do believe we’re stuck. I hope Harry knows what he’s doing!”

“Well hopefully Chakotay or Tuvok are on the bridge by now. And I don’t think we’ve been fired on again,” Janeway was trying to transform her frustration into hope but it wasn’t really working.

“I hate this just as much as you do, Captain,” B’Lanna said, her voice echoing strangely. “Hopefully everything is ok and they can get us free soon. It’s certainly warm enough in here. The environmental controls are clearly shot.”

Janeway had come to the same conclusion before her mind leapt back to Seven. She wanted to apologize to her at least. Maybe explain why she couldn’t return Seven’s feelings. Except she did, clearly return her feelings. Even now, trapped and estranged her skin tingled at just the thought of the blonde. She shook her head but instead of clearing her thoughts, it made her dizzy instead. She groaned and startled B’Lanna.

“Captain?”

“I’m ok. Just a headache.”

“So what were you going to say in the mess? I mean since we’re trapped here and all.”

“I don’t—“

“C’mon, I don’t think you want me to play fill in the blanks do you?”

“Lieutenant!”

“I’m sorry, Captain. I—“

“It’s ok. I just don’t remember what I was going to say,” she evaded, praying B’Lanna would stop pressing.

B’Lanna fell silent.

“Why don’t you tell me why you were fighting with Tom?”

“Oh sure, put it on me,” B’Lanna feigned annoyance but Janeway could hear the hint of a smile in her retort. “Fine. It’s nothing new. He just doesn’t take much seriously. And he was flirting with that empty-headed milkmaid again. Hologram or not, it was the last straw. So now he thinks I’m overreacting and I think he’s a child.”

“You’re right. That’s not new. But maybe Tom needs to hear it from someone else. Fair Haven got to me too and I think it’s dangerous to pretend holograms ‘don’t count’.”

“Thanks Captain but if we ever get out of here, I’ll tell him myself. It’s just hard sometimes when I see flirting with another human. It hits me harder than it should. Even a hologram.”

“Does he know that?”

“Probably not. I mean I don’t think it’s ever come up quite like that. Usually I’m too busy looking for things to hurl at him to be that specific.”

“Well maybe you should mention that too.”

“Yeah, you might be right,” B’Lanna answered. She wanted to ask about Seven but she didn’t dare. So instead she lapsed into silence and waited.

Janeway thought of Michael Sullivan and for the first time realized how it might have looked to Seven. She wasn’t sure Seven had ever entered Fair Haven but her ‘fling’ had been the hot topic on the gossip circuit. It certainly would have reached her Borg. Her Borg. Definitely not. She’d rejected Seven and rejected herself in the process. The thought turned her stomach.

There was another ominous crunching noise and the lift shook before dropping. Both women swore loudly, both covering their fear with shocked anger. The emergency stabilizers caught after a moment and abruptly stopped their descent.

“Captain?”

“You ok, Lieutenant?”

“Sure. Actually I think I’m almost free. So could be worse.”

They were silent save for their still heavy breathing. The lift was still creaking and they were both on edge.

“Seven’s in love with you, you know,” B’Lanna’s voice echoed softly through the darkness. It was one of those now or never moments and B’Lanna grabbed at it.

There was a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the rubble.

“Did she tell you that?”

“Not in so many words. But she gave a pretty perfect description of it.”

“Well she is Borg,” Janeway retorted defensively.

“And the Borg are really excellent at describing emotions? Since when?”

“I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation to be having right now, Lieutenant!” Command mask back in place.

“Really, we could plunge to our deaths any moment but it’s Seven you’re actually afraid of!”

B’Lanna braced herself for the inevitable tongue lashing but all was silent. The quiet stretched for long minutes as B’Lanna berated herself for her own big mouth.

“You’re right,” Janeway said in little more than a whisper. “I know I love her, as Kathryn,” she continued, “but here, I can only be Captain. And I’m afraid that’s how it must remain.”

That was the end of the conversation. Janeway mulled it over in her head. It was mostly true. Except the fear—she was afraid but not of Seven. She was afraid of herself because Seven seemed to always see straight through her. Seven wasn’t intimidated by her, wasn’t cowed by her glare, and barely acknowledged her command mask. Seven called her out, disobeyed her. And she never saw Janeway as superior despite her learned respect for the command structure. But what really got Janeway was how a Seven made her feel. Beyond the lust and desire of the surface, beyond the pride at her emerging humanity, Seven made Janeway want to be Kathryn again. But her timing was terrible!

Suddenly there was a sound of scraping metal crunching in the dark above them. Then the lift jolted knocking both Janeway and B’Lanna under new rubble.

 

 


	9. Chapter Nine

 

  
The red alert only lasted about fifteen minutes. Tuvok took the bridge from Harry but there had been little reason for it. The ships that fired were small and not much of a threat. The repeated lurch of Voyager was caused by Harry giving some contradictory orders. And the real problem now was finding the Captain. The comm was out and the computer would only give Voyager as anyone’s location. Tuvok returned the bridge to Harry and instead set off to find Janeway.

Seven was still standing at the lift doors on deck four. She had been headed to the bridge but the red alert hadn’t lasted long enough for her to get very far. In fact, she hadn’t gotten past the lift. When the lights cut out, Seven heard a series of noises that kept her rooted to her place before the sealed doors just listening. There were several crashing, scraping sounds as the lift dropped past deck four. It screeched to a halt around deck six by Seven’s estimate.

Once the crashing subsided, Seven could hear nothing for several minutes. Then, just as the lights came back, she heard a voice. The voice. And while her Borg hearing was exceptional, she could not make out any words through the sealed shaft before her. But she knew the vibration of the Captain’s voice as well as she knew the sound of her own heartbeat. And she knew she needed Seven’s help.

The lighting had returned but her comm badge was still dead silent. In fact the ship was strangely silent but Seven did not mind. It allowed her to focus her ears on the scant bits of speech. After a few minutes, Seven could take no more. She had to get to Janeway.

If the comm badges were out then so was transporter capacity. That left manual access only. Seven looked at the doors before her and took a steadying breath. Then she raised her hands and traced the invisible seam with her fingertips. The sensors in her Borg hand found the infinitesimal edge and she prized her Borg fingers into the crack. Her human hand joined the effort and after a few moments struggle, Seven had wrenched the doors apart.

Just as Seven shoved the folded doors wide enough to climb through, Tuvok rounded the corner behind her, Chakotay hot on his heels. Tuvok stopped short at witnessing the raw display of Seven’s enhanced strength. Chakotay was in full stride though and could not see Tuvok put on the brakes. As his eyes caught hold of Seven’s door-crushing, the rest of his body slammed full into Tuvok sending the taller, thinner Vulcan deck-ward. They fell in an undignified heap and made enough noise to catch Seven’s attention. She looked back at the two officers trying to stand at the same time.

“Seven, the Captain—“ Chakotay started but she cut him off.

“The Captain and B’Lanna Torres are trapped in this turbolift, Commander. The emergency lighting is not functioning but I am Borg and do not require lighting to see. Therefore I am going to scale down the shaft and free the Lieutenant and the Captain.”

“There is a security team on its way here, Seven,” Tuvok said as walked up to the now gaping hole in the lift doors. The power was still out and he could see nothing but blackness.

“And they may assist me,” Seven said turning her attention back to the shaft. Before Chakotay could chime in, she stretched one of her impossibly long legs through the door. A second later, she disappeared leaving Tuvok to cast his side eyes across the Commander.

It was pitch black all around but Seven saw everything cast in Borg green. It all appeared flat but it appeared. She was climbing steadily down the utility ladder embedded in the tube. One deck down and she could see where the lift had banged into the walls and the equalizers had failed. She could just make out the shape of what remained of the lift below.

The ladder bent suddenly and Seven found herself half scaling around the debris above the lift. She stopped to reevaluate her position. The silence was broken only by the faint voice of Janeway from behind layers of rubble. But Seven heard her clearly. Heard her heartbreaking admission, heard the regret no longer hidden. Armed with that knowledge, Seven pushed forward past the some rubble. She was desperate to see Janeway even if she could not sway her mind. Seven still could not understand the nature of Janeway’s reluctance but she could no longer bear to be without her company.

Stepping down, Seven’s foot skidded over a jagged edge and she began to fall, dislodging more debris in her wake. She landed heavily on the jagged refuse and looked up in the darkness, right into the face of Kathryn Janeway. Seven could see quite clearly but the Captain could not. But Janeway didn’t need her eyes to know it was Seven who was now half sprawled across her body.

Seven was speechless. She opened her mouth but was too taken by the array of sensory input now assailing her. Janeway’s heart rate and respiration had increased exponentially as had her body temperature. Seven was so close she could smell the spicy, gingery scent of Janeway’s hair. She shivered in a completely unborglike way and looked hard into Janeway’s blind eyes. Seven fought the urge to kiss the just parted lips just before her but just as she regained her self control she felt the soft brush of Janeway’s lips against her own. Seven returned the kiss, parting her lips slightly.

The kiss was gentle and brief but it hung in the air before them, making the silence grow once more.

“Captain! Hey!” B’Lanna’s voice echoed harshly from beneath the rubble on the other side of the lift. Her voice snapped the moment and Seven began to scrabble off the Captain.

“Seven, help me up will you?”

“Seven! When did you get down here? And why won’t the lights come on?”

As if they were waiting for a cue, the emergency lights suddenly blinked back to life casting a red glow all around the ruined lift. There was a pile of rubble in the middle of the floor that reached almost as high as the ceiling. Seven was certain they were between decks. There only option was to go upward. They had to climb out.

Shaking her head, Janeway fought to regain her computer. She looked pointedly past Seven, her mind working quickly on their next move.

“Can you move B’Lanna?”

“No, there’s something pinning my arm behind me,” B’Lanna half-growled. Her shoulder was almost definitely broken and her patience was long since expended.

Janeway was leaning against the wall, her broken ankle throbbing. Seven moved quickly shifting debris from one side of the pile. Within a few moments, she’d moved enough to create a gap large enough for her to crawl around. Janeway watched Seven’s lithe form slide through the narrow gap. She bit down hard on her lip as a thousand voices erupted in her head. She shouldn’t have just done that. Should not have kissed her. But it was all she could do at that moment. And the thought of it was drowning the echoing doubt and consternation of the voices. Then Janeway heard a short mumbled conversation before the sound of more rubble coming loose.

“Captain, Lieutenant Torres has a head injury as well as a broken clavicle. I am going to attempt to free her first.”

There was more scrabbling and a cascade of loose rubble began to fall all around. Janeway could hear Seven pulling B’Lanna above her now. Other voices echoed outside the lift and minutes later Seven was reaching back down to grab her hands.

As her hands met Seven’s, a charge of electricity shot straight through her settling deep in her abdomen. She looked up at the sapphire eyes above her and knew Seven had felt it too. Then she was being hoisted upward like a rag doll until she was suddenly standing next to Seven. She threw her arms around Seven and hugged her fiercely.

They didn’t move for an eternity, their bodies entwined, hearts beating hard against each other’s chests. It wasn’t until a long wolf whistle pierced their ears that they broke apart. Janeway looked up to see Tom Paris supporting B’Lanna on the edge of the deck above them. Seven helped give her a leg up over the ledge before climbing up herself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there. Thanks for all the comments and kudos. I don’t think this one would have made it without them.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I’m a terrible estimator with the math skills of an English major. So things are heating up but mind the title...

 

  
Transporters were still offline so Tom and Seven helped B’Lanna and the Captain to sick bay. Tuvok and Chakotay followed close behind them, taking turns briefing the Captain on the scuffle.

“Ensign Kim meant well, Captain, but his course correction was far too panicked,” Chakotay said as they reached the doors to sick bay. “I think Harry believed there were more ships, there did seem to be some strange mirrored shielding according to the sensor data.”

“Well, we can examine the data tomorrow.”

The Doctor appeared before Janeway could continue.

“I need my patients please,” he said, annoyed from the onset and eyeing the commanders. “Visiting hours are over.”

Tuvok and Chakotay dismissed themselves without a fuss but Tom was rooted to B’Lanna’s side. Seven made a small turn away from the biobed where Janeway sat dangling her skinny legs. Before Seven could take a step, she felt Janeway’s long slender fingers close around her wrist.

“Stay,” Janeway said in barely a whisper, “please.”

Seven’s heart thundered as her eyes met Janeway’s. She nodded and stayed right where she was standing. Janeway continued to look at her wordlessly and Seven felt her own cheeks grow warm. The Doctor was still treating B’Lanna. Her injuries were more extensive than the Captain’s and the EMH was taking his time wagging his finger and clucking. B’Lanna was clearly ailing as this level of behavior generally warranted at least a growl but she was silent.

“We can talk in my quarters, Seven,” Janeway said quietly, her eyes softening. “Just let me get him to release me.”

“Captain, you should be sure your injuries are not more severe than they appear,” Seven’s eyes were bright with concern.

“I promise you, it’s just my ankle. But thank you for the concern and even more for getting us out of there.”

The Doctor glided over before Seven could respond. Janeway dropped her hand from Seven’s wrist as the Doctor sidled up next to the bed. Seven took a step backwards but her eyes never left Janeway.

It only took a few minutes for the Doctor to heal the Captain’s ankle. And while she didn’t actually have a concussion, he still ordered both her and Torres off duty for the next two days. The Doctor had decided to hold B’Lanna overnight but changed his mind about the Captain. It wasn’t worth the fight. So he remanded her to Seven’s care and allowed her to retire to her quarters.

The walk back to the Captain’s quarters was slow and silent. Janeway’s ankle was healed but it was still murderously sore and sensitive. She had leaned heavily on Seven all the way into the lift. She began to limp out on the third floor but found herself suddenly lifted clear off her feet. She opened her shocked mouth to protest but Seven cut her off.

“Your walking was inefficient,” she stated, striding arrogantly up the hallway to the door of the Captain’s quarters.

“Let me down Seven,” Janeway was caught between irritation and intrigue but the former was currently in the lead.

Seven caught her tone and lowered her gently back to the deck. She didn’t move away as Janeway continued to lean on her while she keyed in her code. The doors slid open and Janeway moved forward but Seven hesitated. Lacking anymore patience, the captain grabbed the blonde’s hand and pulled her through the door.

The shock was clear on Seven’s face as the doors slid closed behind her. Before she could think of anything to say, she found her mouth otherwise occupied. Janeway had turned quickly, wrapping her arms around Seven and kissing her fiercely. It was not planned and certainly not what she’d meant to do but her actions did not appear to be under her control.

Seven’s lips parted beneath her own and soon the tongues were tangled and their hearts were racing. Janeway pulled back gasping and looked up at a scarlet faced former Borg. Seven, to her credit, did not completely lose her composure but she did feel more confused than ever. She looked down at the redhead and finally found her voice.

“Captain—“

“Kathryn. When we’re alone. When you’re kissing me,” her voice was low but her words were clear. Her eyes glinted silvery blue with a mischievous glow Seven had never seen.

“I—you—“ Seven stuttered, looking absolutely adorable in her confusion.

“Surprised you, didn’t I,” Janeway smirked as Seven’s mouth gaped.

They were still standing half intertwined just in front of the door. As pleasant as teasing Seven was, Janeway’s ankle was beginning to ache. She turned away from Seven and began to hobble towards the couch, pulling Seven along with her. She sat heavily, wincing as Seven watched from above.

“Your ankle is causing you discomfort, why not take the analgesic spray provided by the Doctor?” Seven’s eyes were a curious mixture of concern, desire, and confusion but her trimmed speech carried little of that affect.

“I will, but it makes me sleepy and there were some things I wanted to, discuss with you. If you want to help, you could replicate me an ice pack and a glass of wine. Replicate one for yourself as well, if you want I mean.”

“An ice pack?” Seven was being intentionally obtuse and Kathryn’s face twisted as she began to realize she was being teased in return. She swatted playfully at the retreating Seven, smiling broader than Seven had ever seen.

“I really should take a shower, I think I still have rubble in my hair!”

“I can run you a bath,” Seven replied over her shoulder, fully aware at the flush her words encouraged. Then she replicated an ice pack, two glasses, and a bottle of a light bodied Chardonnay. She returned with her spoils, placing the glasses and wine on the coffee table. She set the ice pack down as well and then moved to open the wine. Kathryn watched Seven, rapt. Seven handed her a glass of wine and moved to sit down on the couch.

“Well, cheers,” Kathryn raised her glass to Seven’s, ignoring the previous comment.

Seven quirked her eyebrow but mimicked Kathryn’s movements. They clinked glasses and drank a sip before Kathryn spoke again.

“Hand me the ice pack will you?” Kathryn propped her foot on the coffee table but Seven reached for a pillow and gently raised Kathryn’s foot onto the blue velveteen square. She then placed the cold pack over the ankle before looking up.

Kathryn Janeway sat, genuinely shocked at the gentle care from Seven. When their eyes met, she let go of the last of the Captain, and pulled Seven hard against her.

“I know we should talk, you must be confused, I know I am. But there are a few things I am not confused about,” and before she could say more, she felt Seven’s lips against her own. She collapsed into the kiss and it quickly deepened. She ran her hand up through Seven’s tight twist, freeing the blonde waves and sending hairpins scattering. Seven groaned into Kathryn’s mouth as her arms wrapped tighter around Kathryn’s back. The kiss continued to intensify and Seven moved lithely until she was suddenly astride Kathryn’s lap. They finally broke apart gasping. Seven looked down into Kathryn’s cerulean eyes.

“I am not confused, Kathryn,” she said slowly, savoring the feeling of saying her name. “Are you still confused?”

“I’m your captain, the Captain,” she hesitated, all the old doubt creeping towards her. But she took a steadying breath and met Seven’s gaze with the intensity of a supernova. “But I am also Kathryn and you are the one that has made that true again.”

Seven leaned forward to capture Kathryn’s lips before they could utter anymore words. There was time enough for talking but right now a fire had been lit between them and Seven was only interested fanning the flames. She kissed Kathryn’s lips and then her jaw before dropping lower to kiss her neck. Kathryn let loose a growl Seven felt in her lips. She pulled Seven back to her mouth and kissed her savagely, surprising herself.

Seven’s hands found their way beneath the grey tank Janeway still wore and she felt Kathryn shudder as her fingers made contact with the bare skin of her back. Kathryn wanted to return in kind but Seven’s biosuit offered no available openings. Seven seemed to reach an equal level of frustration with their restraints. She dropped her hands to Kathryn’s waist and suddenly pushed off the couch. She scooped Kathryn up in her arms and this time their was no protest. Kathryn drained the wine she was holding and managed to place the glass on the table before Seven stepped away from the couch.

“The Captain would order you to put her down you know,” Kathryn said in a half serious tone.

“Good thing the Captain is off duty the next two days,” Seven smarted back heading directly for the bedroom.

 

 

 


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a proper E rating. You were warned.

 

 

Seven carried Kathryn over to the bed and gently let her down to stand unsteadily on one foot. Rather than balance, Kathryn opted to sit down on the edge of the bed. She was suddenly and unbelievably nervous. The short trip from the living room had been been just long enough for her to realize what they were about to do. Panic raced through her blood and the sight of Seven disarmed her. The coolness in the blonde’s steady gaze seemed to fortify her and she felt her fears begin to melt back into desire. Her hands shook with both nerves and arousal and she braced them on the bed. Her eyes finally met Seven’s smoldering stare. Her own eyes were suddenly charged with all the desire she’d kept pent up, all the guilt she’d been harboring. The ironic openness of Seven was irresistible and Kathryn wanted to drown in it.

Eyes fixed on Janeway, Seven she could feel the heat rising from her own skin as her human hand went to the clasp behind her neck. She released the catch with a flick and the suit immediately lost its cohesion, cascading over her perfect curves until it pooled at her feet. Janeway’s eyes were wide as she watched the erotic display taking place before her. Whatever panic she had felt, about her age or lacking experience with another woman, all the anxiety was suddenly washed over by the golden light of Seven’s naked body before her. Seven stepped lightly out of her heeled boots, kicking the garment away as she drew closer to the bed.

Kathryn was still frozen, mouth agape, her eyes all over Seven. She couldn’t tear her eyes away and they jumped from the gentle sway of her breasts to the silver bands of her abdominal implant and finally around the curve of her hip. As Seven drew closer, Kathryn raised her gaze back to Seven’s face to see her smiling broadly. Then Seven dropped to the deck, kneeling directly in front of stunned redhead.

Seven gently removed the unfastened boot from Janeway’s injured ankle then moved quickly to the other boot. She tossed them aside and then reached up to unbuckle the pants before her. She gave a quick tug and Kathryn suddenly found herself sitting in her StarFleet issue briefs. She looked down at her bare legs and then at Seven still kneeling before her. Her head swam for a moment as she was caught between the desire to shuck the rest of her clothes or reach immediately for the goddess at her feet.

The decision was made for her when Seven leaned forward and grabbed the hem of her grey undershirt. Her tunic was still presumably in the rubble of the lift. Seven made short work of the tank, pulling it over Kathryn’s head and tossing it aside. Kathryn’s nipples were outlined against the thin cotton of her bra and it was Seven’s turn to stare. Taking the momentum back, Kathryn reached one hand behind her back and unfastened her bra. With a shake, the bra fell free and Seven gaped at the pert, freckled breasts before her. So enrapt was she that she missed Kathryn’s other hand reaching forward to cup one of Seven’s soft breasts. Seven startled at the contact of deft fingers on her sensitive skin. She sucked in her breath sharply.

From the first contact of their bare skin, all sense and logic flew far from them. Seven found herself quickly entangled in Kathryn’s naked limbs as they both scrabbled for purchase against the satiny non-StarFleet issue sheets. They tumbled over each other, with kisses rough and wet, unwilling to lose any of the bodily contact. Seven resorted to using her superior size and strength to finally pin Kathryn beneath her. She looked down at Kathryn’s desire darkened eyes and kissed her again, this time gentler, trailing a path along her jaw to her smooth neck causing a rippling, sighing growl in her wake. Seven smiled and continued but as she kissed the freckled cleavage, she felt a sharp tug to her hair. She looked up at a suddenly startled Kathryn.

“Seven, I—I’ve never—with a woman,” she sputtered completely un-captainlike, the panic evident in her voice. Kathryn wasn’t sure what reaction she’d expected but an arched eyebrow and broad smile were not it.

“Oh Kathryn,” Seven beamed and then picked up right where she left off, her tongue swiping one of the hardened nipples still before her.

Kathryn cried out, abandoning the last of the panic to the exquisite sensations of Seven. Her skin rippled beneath Seven’s touch, fire and ice, purely electric, purely human, purely Seven. She felt her hips buck as Seven began to move slowly down her body. She was desperate to touch Seven as well but clearly she’d have to be a little more patient.

Seven nipped at her hip and slid still lower as Kathryn began to lose control. Seven hooked her thumbs around the now sodden panties and slowly pulled them down and away. Kathryn spread her legs further, growling wantonly and Seven subconsciously licked her lips. She eyed Kathryn above her, gloriously naked, her head cast back, her perfect throat, the taut muscles of her neck. Seven cast her gaze lower, the auburn curls tickled her chin as she was suddenly engulfed by the spicy sweet aroma that was all Kathryn.

Kathryn was close already and so Seven took a chance. She swiped her tongue directly over Kathryn’s swollen clit. Seven was greeted with a cry loud enough to reach the stars. So she did it again, drawing circles with her tongue as Kathryn’s thighs clamped tighter and tighter around her head, pinning her in place. Seven’s hands were hooked around Kathryn’s waist and she pulled harder as she drove her tongue forward into the welcome heat of her waiting cunt. Seven was overwhelmed by sensation as she thrust, swirling her tongue, feeling Kathryn tighten around it. She drew back up to her clit and sucked it between her lips. That was enough to tip Kathryn and her thighs grew tighter still. She let loose a wail that was part Seven’s name and all sex.

Then, before Seven could begin again, Kathryn tugged her up to face her. She was still shaking from the shattering orgasm. Seven leaned forward shifting her weight to her elbows and kissed Kathryn, her mouth still slick. Kathryn moaned into her mouth and Seven bucked back. Kathryn managed to slide herself just low enough to capture one of Seven’s dusky nipples between her teeth. Seven yelped then shuddered before pressing further into the contact. Kathryn pinched the other nipple in tandem and Seven let loose a growl. Switching sides, Kathryn lavished attention on the other nipple. She could feel Seven’s arousal through her skin and she let her free hand explore lower, tracing around the edges of Seven’s abdominal implant. Another shudder and another growl and Janeway’s confidence began to surge. But before she could press forward, she felt Seven’s hand spread over her pussy.

Seven pulled her back up to eye level with her human hand. Now it was Kathryn’s turn to shudder. Her Borg fingers were swift and skilled, grazing first then parting the dripping folds. Kathryn moaned beneath her, canting her hips as her head fell back again. Seven took the opportunity to graze her teeth over the delicate skin of Kathryn’s neck. She could feel Kathryn’s thundering pulse in her lips. Then Kathryn cried out, wrapping her arms around Seven’s back and pulling their bodies flush. The breath left Seven’s lungs as she landed heavily atop the redhead’s torso. Kathryn did not seem to mind as she growled and thrust her hips crashing into Seven’s as she scraped her nails across Seven’s back.

Seven responded with a growl of her own, the sting of the scrape inflaming her already explosive desires. She increased the pressure with her Borg hand, pinning Kathryn’s hips and causing the sinewy thighs to part more. Back in control, Seven looked down at Kathryn’s closed eyes as she lightly circled Kathryn’s clit. Kathryn’s head lifted with a jolt, her dark blue eyes finally meeting Seven’s. And then Seven thrust forward with two fingers, entering her Captain’s pussy with commanding force.

Kathryn felt herself being filled by Seven as they slowly began to rock together, her hips moving of their own volition, controlled by the powerful thrust of Seven’s fingers fucking her deeper and deeper. She’d never felt so filled, so fucked at once, and it was Seven, Seven, Seven….

Seven was in ecstasy, three fingers deep inside Kathryn Janeway, her cunt tight around Seven’s enhanced fingers that were memorizing every touch. She couldn’t take her eyes away from the sight of the Janeway, cast back, vulnerable, her lust for Seven entrancing the blonde. And with a particularly deep thrust, Kathryn opened her eyes, once again locking in Seven’s sapphire gaze.

Distracted by the perfection of Kathryn’s wanting eyes, Seven didn’t realize Kathryn’s fingers had found their way between Seven’s own legs. She was still deep inside Kathryn with no intention of stopping when she felt the long, graceful fingers slip over her engorged clit. Her hips jumped and Kathryn smiled wide, her eyes glinting for a second. The she pushed forward, entering Seven with her own commanding force.

For a moment they froze, eyes locked, bodies locked together seamlessly. Kathryn moved first and with a tiny twitch, set their bodies moving, an unstoppable force between them. They moved as one, their hands fast, their voices mingled and feral as they thrust and whirled, bringing each other higher and higher until the edge was inevitable. They fell together, breathless, as their bodies took flight, screaming riots of light and sound blinded them both as waves of tsunamic oragasms ripped through their bodies, finally leaving them drenched and gasping, searching for their own names.

They came to, tangled in each other, and sprawled over the sodden bed. The sweat on their bodies was just beginning to cool as Kathryn finally managed to raise her head.

“Seven,” she rasped.

“Yes, Kathryn,” Seven mumbled back, turning on her side to face her.

“When Tuvok told me to be patient with you, I’m not sure this is what he meant,” her eyes glinted in the low light.

“I disagree, Kathryn, I think this is exactly what he meant,” and with that Seven leaned in and kissed Kathryn lightly.

“You’re amazing, Seven,” Kathryn said, her breath still short. “Perfection.”

“I love you, Kathryn Janeway,” Seven declared.

“Oh Seven, I love you too,” tears streamed down Kathryn’s face but she ignored them and kissed Seven hard enough to pin her on her back. Kathryn straddled Seven’s hips, a look of triumph on her face.

“Now, Seven, I want to show you just how patient I can be,” Kathryn husked, capturing Seven’s already bruised lips one more time. She moved slowly down Seven’s body, so slowly, and Seven squirmed and writhed and finally called out Kathryn’s name loud enough to be heard two decks away.

They made love until Kathryn’s alarm startled them apart. After silencing it, they fell back together, still entwined. Kathryn reached the corner of the long forgotten covers and pulled them up and around their finally cooling bodies. They fell asleep like that and woke many hours later, much to Seven’s surprise.

 

 


	12. Epilogue

 

 

  
Forty-eight hours passed far too quickly. The new couple had barely left Kathryn’s bed. Seven had forgone regeneration in favor of her new found ability to sleep. She would have to regenerate soon and already hated the thought of being apart from Kathryn.

Kathryn sat with her back against her headboard and continued to run her fingers through Seven’s hair as it flowed over her own bare thigh. Seven looked up from Kathryn’s other thigh and sighed contentedly. They were both stark naked and had been been since the moment Seven had declared clothing inefficient. It was inefficient as they couldn’t seem to keep apart long enough to even think of getting dressed.

The ship had been blissfully quiet and according to her first officer, there were even some promising scans for planets suitable for shore leave. But Kathryn wasn’t quite ready to return to being the captain, not just yet. She wasn’t sure yet how she would balance both her identities but, looking down at the purring former Borg in her lap, she knew she’d work it out somehow. She yawned and caused Seven to sit up. Then her stomach betrayed her, growling loud enough to draw a look from Seven.

“You are hungry, Kathryn,” it was a statement not a question and Seven began to rise from the bed. Kathryn caught her by the wrist and tugged her back down to to the bed.

“I believe we both require a nutritional supplement at this time,” Seven stated, pulling back slightly to look at Janeway.

“Are you trying to say you’re hungry, darling?” Kathryn chuckled. “Ok, ok we can eat!” But instead of rising, she descended into a fit of giggles taking Seven along for the ride.

Later, after demolishing cheeseburgers and hot fudge sundaes, they lay next to each other on the bed. They were both slightly queasy from their junk food feast but they were eminently sated as well. Kathryn rolled onto her side and propped her head on the heel of her hand.

“Seven,” she said feeling a blush creep upwards, “I don’t know exactly how it will be once life goes back to normal. But what I do know, what I do know is that I love you.”

“I love you too, Kathryn. And as my captain, I expect you’ll respect my new…relationship with Kathryn?”

“Did you just ask me if we’re dating? Oh Seven, I’m in for it, aren’t I?”

“Kathryn?”

“Yes, darling.”

“You have hot fudge on your face.

 

  
The mess hall had been abuzz with gossip. That was pretty usual but the gossip all being the same was less normal. B’Lanna sat facing Tom at a table in the far corner. She poked at the congealed pink and green mass that Neelix called leola lasagna. It bore no resemblance to actual lasagna and B’Lanna was pretty sure she’d seen her’s try and crawl off her plate. She pushed it away with a sigh and instead turned her ear to scuttlebutt all around her.  
  
Tom had been braver with the lasagna but was clearly regretting that decision.  
  
“Hey, what do you say we go back to our quarters and replicate a pizza instead?”  
  
“Sure, flyboy, I’ve had about as much inaccurate gossip as I can take.”  
  
They stood and gathered their trays before recycling them and heading for the lift. Once the doors closed, Tom turned to her.  
  
“So, they’re together, I mean, right?”

“Not you too! Look, as far as I can tell, they both care a lot about each other. I have no idea what that means though!”

“Ok, ok, that’s fair.”

“But I can tell you that the Captain put in a work order, for soundproofing,” B’Lanna’s eyes sparkled as she danced off the lift, Tom trailing after her with a dumb look on his face.

“Well, I hope it’s Borg-proof. Seven certainly has quite the set of pipes,” he chortled as the door slid shut behind them.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and being patient. I hope you liked where it ended up. There were a lot of course corrections along the way. 
> 
> I have to thank everyone one who liked and commented. If it wasn’t for your feedback this probably would have never gotten finished. Having such a supportive audience is what every writer wants so kudos to all of you!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! All comments and kudos gracefully accepted. Cheers!


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